This piece is going to be a life-changer, folks. I've cracked the code, after long years of research and intense rumination (pun intended). There are indeed certain foods which can fill us with vim, crank up passion, boost your style quotient and even soothe the soul. So without much ado, I present to you; (start drumroll please) the ordinary, the non-exotic, the easily available — Smart Foods! Fine, I agree ‘Smart Foods' sounds a little lame, but Superfoods was already taken and ‘smart' is all the rage these days. Move on, now.

I'm sure the words ‘ordinary' and ‘easily available' go contrary to what we've come to believe about these foods. I mean, we've all trawled the web, sometimes desperately, often surreptitiously, for those special ingredients and recipes. Anti-oxidants, phyto-nutrients and chains of complex chemical constructions flicker like neon signs, inviting and forbidding at the same time. Those email forwards about indispensable bananas, miraculous papaya leaves or the seaweed's contribution to dietetics have only mystified matters further.

Now for the breakthrough — The smartness isn't as much in the food as it is in the eating of it.

Illustration: It's a dark, rainy day and you're feeling melancholy. As you wallow in self pity, a chunky mug of hot, thick cocoa is made available. You nestle it between your hands, inhale, sip slowly. You're full of warm fuzzies in no time. It's now a blazing, sweltering day and you're feeling melancholy. As you wallow in self pity, a chunky mug of hot, thick cocoa is made available. Not so tasty now, is it? A tall glass of iced tea would work better, but the perfect antidote to the blues would be a little hillock of ice cream!

If you're still reading, I'm going to assume you're waiting for me to get to the aphrodisiac part. I'm not kidding about the watermelon; it really is on a long and rather pungent list of alleged mojo boosters. Also in the list are fertilised duck embryo, rhino horn and some recipes involving tigers which promise to boost your libido while doing away with the tigers. Honestly, if you feel like eating when that momentous hour approaches, it means you're craving food, not love.

Your body and mind constantly tell you what they need; you just have to listen. As a wise man once advised, replace the question “What do I do now?” with “What do I eat now?” — Chewy stuff when trying to think, crunchies to drown out noise, coffee for serenity, ice cream for every occasion.

And if it works for you, try it on others. A night out of the kitchen is a splendid way to woo the wife, but why not clinch the deal with the perfect order? Watch her mood. Start with something sedate, ease her into something scrumptious and top it up with chocolaty sin. When, after a glass swirling with something spirited, you finally get home at a gentle walk, I guarantee you'll feel the love from fifty paces.

There, you just made food work for you. And that, friend, is smart. Also much easier than foraging for ginseng, I might add.